The other day I had a session with a client that I have only led one time. I spent a good portion of time in the session watching him draw on the computer. The client wanted to show me something he was working on and I appreciated him inviting me into that creative space with him. However, as I sat there watching him my rising anxiety was telling me that I wasn’t actually doing anything therapeutic with this client. I started asking him questions while he worked. After the session my supervisor asked me how I thought the session went. I just looked at her and said, “Well, I am not sure it was very productive.” She gave me a couple of tips to think about for next time with the client and then ended by saying, “What you were doing was building rapport.” That really made me stop and think because what I had written off as time wasted was time spent building and developing something that is actually one of the most critical components of music therapy.
I spent a lot of time during my senior year attempting to perfect my personal music therapy philosophy as I was applying to internships. As I took into consideration the different components of music therapy that seemed most important to me, the one that really stuck out was the therapeutic relationship. In Kenneth Bruscia’s document, A Working Definition of Music Therapy, he describes the therapeutic relationship as the “impetus for change”. Clearly, this relationship has the capacity to make a big difference in how effective music therapy services are received by the client. The relational element of music therapy is one of the main elements that separate music therapy from someone simply playing a music recording for a client. There is a two-way relationship that develops between the client and the therapist. When a relationship forms the therapist is able to cater more directly to client needs and wants and therefore understand the most effective ways to treat the client. The beauty of music therapy is that this relationship is not only formed through conversation and time spent together, but also through music making. That is what makes music therapy so accessible, even if a client may not be able to hold a conversation verbally, music provides a whole new medium for the client to enter into a conversational experience with another person. The way music can reach people is truly incredible! As I’m sure you can tell, I get very excited about this, I could talk about the therapeutic relationship for a long time.
So why bring it up right now? Well, I have been thinking about the therapeutic relationship a whole lot lately as my caseload continues to build with clients that are all new to me. There are so many new relationships to build! In school whenever we received our new practicum assignment we had one week for building rapport. I have to laugh a little bit when I think about this because I can really see how it has shaped the beginnings of my relationships with my new clients. After one week of sessions I was very surprised that I felt like I still didn’t really know much about my clients. I was trying to learn so much and build a relationship all in one session. Well, I can state with firm conviction that it takes much longer than one 45 minute session to truly build rapport with a new client. Especially rapport that is meant to be the foundation for an authentic and trusting therapeutic relationship. That is just not a realistic expectation. And yet, I have found myself becoming frustrated over the past two months when I didn’t really know how to relate to a new client or I didn’t really know how best to address their needs. The therapeutic relationship, like any new human relationship, takes time to develop. So, although I am truly trying my best to come up with interventions that will be effective for my clients, I also need to remember that it will become easier as I develop a relationship with them. If I want a genuine relationship with my clients to become a real source of change in their treatment process, I have to be willing to put in the time.
Relationships are extremely complex, and yet there is so much beauty in the complexity. One of the main reasons I decided to study music therapy is a love for working with people. I love being around people, meeting new people, and getting to know people. Even if afterwards I tend to need to take a nap for a couple of days. Humans are hardwired to desire relationship. As a quieter person this is a desire I have had to grow into, but nonetheless it is very present in my life. The desire to form genuine, authentic relationships with those around me is a main factor that drives my music therapy work. As I continue to learn so much every single day about music therapy I continue to see the importance of the relationship in this field of work as in life. So, I am trying to look at each moment I spend with my clients as an opportunity to strengthen our new relationship. I hope to no longer look at sessions in terms of productive time versus wasted time. Any time growing in relationship is beneficial to treatment as a whole. Not only is this important for me to keep in mind within my clinical work, but also in all of the new relationships that I am working to develop in this new state of life I am in. Relationships are important and necessary and time-consuming. I intend to not rush through this phase of developing new relationships, no matter how much I want to get to the part where the relationship is already well established. It is worth the time!
